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Sunday, October 20, 2013

Same Old

So nothing tremendously exciting has been happening on the hip front lately.  I have had a fairly decent previous three weeks of relatively tolerable pain levels.  Which is extremely welcomed.  In fact, any reduction in pain is extremely welcomed!  The weekend has been tougher with increasing nerve pain (LFCN has decided to freak out bilaterally these past few days), but I am managing the best I can.  I was able to rest a lot today--essentially I laid on the couch like a sloth for the entire afternoon and evening and I loved every second of it!

I only have 130 days left of school and the same number of days until I am able to get my next surgery.  I really have absolutely no idea how I am managing to get through with school feeling the way I do. But then when I think about it, I know, it's only through the strength that God gives me to get up out of bed every morning, get dressed, and go to the hospital/clinic and learn as much as I can by working with attendings, residents, nurses, technicians, and patients.  I want more than anything to become the best physician I can possible become and throwing myself into my school is how I am going to do this.  I will most certainly not allow my hips to stop me from continuing through medical school.  No way.  No how.  I AM finishing this last stretch and will do it regardless of how much I hurt.  I have become extremely good at suppressing my pain and feelings.  It is natural for one with constant pain to become depressed, down, and sad.  And I do experience all of these from time to time.  And despite my constant tiredness, I feel like I am handling this pretty darn good.  The Lord is testing me to see how strong I can be, and man, I never thought that doing medical school in this shape would have been possible. If you had told me during my undergrad that I would have to do medical school and have six hip surgeries during this time, and do the entirety of my clinical rotations having constant pain, I would have laughed at you thinking that it would not be possible.  But it IS possible.

"But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible."  Matthew 19:26

So alas, I press on through school and life with so many different things for which to be thankful.  I could ramble on and on about how this and that hurts and how much things suck.  And yes, things suck sometimes, not gonna lie.  But I have to try and look at the bright side of things too: I am finishing up my school for something that I have always dreamed of doing, I am getting many interviews for my upcoming residency next year, I have found an amazing field of medicine in which I will be very happy practicing the rest of my professional life, I have an amazing family, and amazing friends (especially those certain hip gals who have texted me thousands of times....I'll forever cherish the shared experiences and conversations we have and will have in the future), and I have God who helps me through absolutely everything!!!