Uncertainty: The lack of certainty, A state of having limited knowledge where it is impossible to exactly describe the existing state, a future outcome, or more than one possible outcome.
It kills me. From the inside out. Literally wreaking havoc on my body and mind. All I want to do is live a normal life, a life without pain, a life without wondering when my next surgery is going to be. One can't continuously be having surgeries every six months. It is not healthy for anybody. But, again, another surgery is a definite possibility for me.
My physiotherapist is more than convinced that my pain and lack of motion is coming directly from within the hip joint. Lovely. At my last appointment with my surgeon, he mentioned about removing scar tissue in another surgery, but wanted to see how the exercises faired. I have been oh-so-faithful in doing all of the prescribed exercises, yet I am stuck. Furthermore, this waiting-for-a-phone-call game is not so much fun. I have a tendency to worry about things like this; to over think and worry about the worst possible outcome. In this case, although I may actually appreciate it if it could provide some relief, it is the possibility of another surgery to clean up scar tissue scares me to death. I truly don't know how I would ever have it done as I don't have a single day off until next year. But, I will see what the doc has to say in the next couple of days. Perhaps we are just watching and waiting, hoping for more healing to occur before we move forward. In any event, I am so over this waiting game. I am over having two sore hips. I am over just about everything related to my health. I feel like the entirety of my twenties will be dealing with trying to get my body fixed up enough to function.
Having said all of this though, I know that I shouldn't be so negative. I should try to see the cup half full. Although this is difficult, I know that I am not dying of a serious illness and there are those out there who definitely have it worse than I. Putting things into perspective is sometimes very difficult as it seems as if the world is caving in around you, when, deep down, you know that it could be a lot worse. Trying to remain positive and keeping things in perspective is essential. It's essential for survival and getting through this difficult time.
Friday, April 20, 2012
So I am currently confused as I didn't know we had a game plan for my hip! Two days ago I called Dr. P's office to schedule a follow-up appointment as I was told to make it for the beginning of June. Well, I left a message with the lady who does the scheduling for appointments and she had returned my call but left me a message stating that I needed to talk with somebody who works directly with Dr. P to get our game plan in place for my left hip. I didn't know we had one! I mean, I wouldn't be crushed if they said to have another surgery since I am pretty sore these days, but it definitely threw me for a loop. I thought it was a mistake, but then I got a call (and a message) from the athletic trainer of the surgeon stating that we have to discuss how my hip is feeling. *stomach flip*
I called back today, but couldn't get a hold of the guy who had called me. Now I have to wait all weekend to hear back from him and discuss what is next. I wish I had better news for him. I wish I could say that I am feeling much better since the last time I was at the clinic. Alas, I am stuck in pain and with a significant lack of ROM. This roller coaster never seems to end!