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Sunday, February 24, 2013

Survived on Week of School

Well, not a full week...rather four days and now I get four days off.  It was a gift from God having my doctor have his kids off from school for Friday and Monday!  Because of this I got a very long weekend and my body was extremely thankful for this.  I can survived to about noon and then the throbbing starts.  My right side is holding up amazingly well, no joint pain at all, yes some swelling on the lateral hip, but nothing that a little ice-pack can't help.  My left side is another story.  It hurts.  A lot. I think I've established my concern with my left hip, and now I don't know what to think.

I received my operative reports this past week and it states that I have left hip dysplasia with a 'very shallow anterior wall'.  Forgive me if I am over-reacting, but the fact that my MRI notes say my CE angle is 20, 21, or 24 degrees (depending on positioning) and I still hurt does plant a small seed of concern about this 'borderline' dysplasia in the back of my mind.  I will give it 12 months before I start to get really concerned, but the facts line up to cause concern.

I feel like this hip journey goes on and on and on and on.  I'm totally over it.  I'm back at school and don't feel like my body likes it very much.  In fact, I am pretty sure it (being mostly my left hip) detests me being back on my feet.  I'm so frustrated I could scream.  And I feel almost embarrassed to say how much I hurt.  My family and friends just don't get it. How could they?  I do hint to my mum that my hip still hurts, and I think she gets it, but nobody else knows nor cares.  It's really weird to bring it up to anybody anymore.  Frankly after six hip surgeries, how much more hips can people take.  So, I make a conscious effort to not bring it up to friends and family.  I'm over it and so is everybody else.  Now my leftie needs to figure out that everybody is over him and it is now his turn to join Mrs. Rightie on the other side of hip pain.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

I H.U.R.T.

Yup.  I do.  No question 'bout it.  I hurt.  Period.  Boo.  Hiss.  Uncool.  Bummer.  Thumbs down.  Sux.  Yuck.  Ick.  Blah.  Barf.  Etc.

You know, when I made the decision...erm...correction, when my surgeon essentially forced me to stop medical school (which WAS the right decision)...I thought that when my 8 months off and my surgeries were done, that I would be hopping along ready to jump back into life again. Well...this isn't exactly how it has panned out.  Don't get me wrong, I am better than I was when I stopped medical school, but I still darn tooting hurt.  My right hip is amazing!  I am in love with it.  Seriously, it feels like an elbow: no pain, full ROM, no clicking, pure joy.

My left hip is still icky.  After getting fed up these last couple of weeks I called the PA and asked what we should be doing differently.  I got some Voltaren because, in his opinion, my hip flexor is ticked off and causing pain.  The ROM reduction he described as the lactic acid build up thus reducing my flexion to decrease.  We are working the posterior chain, more pool, and NSAIDs and seeing how it goes.  Honestly, the Voltaren does help, but not for the full day.  I am still aware of the pain in my hip 24/7, but the Voltaren takes off some of the edge of the throbbing.

Frankly, something I would rather not have to still be dealing with after being off so long.  I realize I have had so many surgeries on this left side and still has room for improvement, but life is starting back up again and I still hurt.  I can't believe that I am still throbbing all of the time.  I also can't complain to my family anymore.  They keep telling me that I need to build up my strength, do more work, be on my feet more, get better.  I feel like they keep telling me this because I am going back to school that I should be better.  I should stop thinking or worrying about my hips.  At this point, I AM worried about how I will hold up on my feet all day.  I NEED some normalcy in life again and returning back to rotations will help mentally, physically, we will just have to wait and see.  It's just tough because everybody around me expects me to be better now.  I am still dealing with a lot of pain and simply don't vocalize it anymore.  Just because I start back to school doesn't mean I miraculously heal.  *sigh*

PS: my next posting will be much more positive.  I just needed to vent to my cyber-space....I'm actually not sure if very many people actually read the crap I put down.