I can't say that I'm depressed, but I can say that I am in a valley as far as life goes. I have returned to work for the past two weeks and it has been more than difficult to get through. Though I am working minimal hours (PTL) I am still finding it difficult to stay afloat. I am struggling each and every day with pain and fatigue. Currently I am more than exhausted. I realize God doesn't ever give you more than you can handle, but this surely is a learning experience for me. I am growing as a person, whether I like it or not. I don't have a choice, I needed to have this surgery and I still needed to work. So I did both (with a four week vacation). I wouldn't recommend anybody in their right mind return to work at four weeks.
Currently my right hip is not terribly sore. The muscles are sore, but the joint itself has been quite calm. I have not had any groin pain since surgery. I still have pubic bone pain and my incision is very VERY tender still, but I manage. I did go up on my Butrans patch this past week as my left hip is terrible having to accommodate the added weight of being the sole weight bearing hip. I think the increase has helped but I don't intend on being on it for too long and hope to wean down slowly over the next couple of months. I'm still on my Neurontin for my obturator nerve on my left side from my LPAO, I thought I could get down to 600mg at night, but I need one more dosage during the day to keep the nerves quiet. I hope that I can also wean this medication over the next couple of months as well. I am still non weight bearing on my right side and am totally sick of crutches. I see my surgeon next week for my second post op follow up...hopefully then I will be cleared to weight bear. I plan on starting PT next week as well.
Back to the mental, emotional, and spiritual aspect of recovery. I am finding this surgery terribly difficult to press on with positivity and hope. It feels like I'm a patient revolving through Operating Rooms over and over, never fully giving my body a chance to heal. The longest I've gone without a surgery in 8 years was in 2013 when I went from September 2012 through to February 2014 without a single surgery. Now, it's been two very large ortho surgeries during 2014 and will be planning on screw removal in the spring of 2015. I long for the day that I am wheeled back to the OR for one last time for a few years (when I get my LTHR bc we all know that the replacement IS actually coming my way). I need to place my fears in the Lord, have faith, trust, and persevere onward, through pain, fatigue, and exhaustion. I pray for strength, endurance, and peace; but most of all for strength to get through this difficult time. This has been a major hurdle in life and I had always hoped I would make it through with grace and positivity, but currently, I'm feeling the opposite.