Yes, this is where I am. I have to say that I am extremely thankful for having completed my surgery rotation, that was the least fun I've had in medical school to date (well, boards are right up there, but you get the idea). I am thankful that I am able to do my medical school, albeit, with physical difficulty, but I am still getting up every morning, driving to the hospital and do what I need done. Yes I hurt, but I can't let this stop me. I know it's not normal for somebody less than 30 years of age to be throbbing by noon time, or have hip pain while going over every bump while driving, but there are a lot of things for which I can be thankful.
I have 10 days before my appointment with a new surgeon. I am basically freaked out...maybe I'll ask for a Xanax the day before from the residents! (hehehe) --I won't actually do this! I feel like I'm stuck: darned if I do and darned if I don't. I realize my pain is abnormal, but if I do find out what is wrong, that may mean more surgery. Surgery that cannot fit into my life right now. I have hurt this badly in the past and I have tried to get it fixed, and look how wonderful that turned out for me. It makes me very weary about seeing yet another surgeon. Every single doctor I have seen for my hips ends up saying that they can't help me. What makes this one any different? I shouldn't be so skeptical, but I can't help it. With so many failures over the last 7 years, how can I trust that things are going to get better? I have to, or else I will end up going crazy...it's just amazingly difficult.
So next Thursday I will have my appointment with a local surgeon. I am basically going there for some direction, for some pain relief. I have ended up with no doctor willing to write me a single script for pain or inflammation. This is my main reason (in addition to the fact that I'd like to know what is going on with my hip and to get a fresh set of eyes on my case). In any event, I'm nervous.