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Sunday, March 25, 2012

80 Days Post Op

I had a count down on my iPhone that kept track of the time I had until my surgery and now it is counting my post-op days. I can't believe that I am now 80 days post op!! Craziness. It feels just like yesterday when I was looking at my app and it read 90 days until my surgery. Wow. I wish I could say that things are all hunky-dory, but not so. I am still struggling with everyday tasks. I am no longer on crutches, but I still walk with a bit of a limp. I can do stairs and generally do everything, but feel miserable most of the time. One thing I can't do is sit at my kitchen table to eat (we have stools without backs and it requires 90* of flexion to sit in them and eat....just not gonna happen). I also can't cut/paint my toe nails, nor can I put on socks normally. I have adapted a method to put on socks on my own, it is just a bit painful and awkward looking. But hey, you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

Looking back to before surgery, I had such hope and anticipation. Oh how I wish I could will my hip to begin to feel better. I feel like I have stalled for a month or so. In fact, both hips are a bit more angry since before my Vail follow-up. I think it is from the surgeon moving my hips more than they like to go. I am still waiting for anesthetic cream. I hope it comes soon as I really need something to break this pain cycle. Currently, I am still worse than before my surgery. I feel that every surgery I have it makes me worse. Each time I can't imagine things getting worse, yet they always seem to do. It is so frustrating to feel like there is no end in sight. I hope my new exercises kick in soon as I don't know how I would fit in another surgery (or two if my other hip doesn't start behaving himself!). I go through waves of uncertainty and worry. I absolutely know I am paranoid about my hips feeling this crappy, but, man alive! I've even had dreams (rather nightmares) about me having more surgeries. I realize that Dr. P hasn't said anything definitively yet, but the idea that further surgery is a possibility is disheartening. But, if I don't start to feel better soon, and if I do need more surgery, the break from school (probably a year) would be a welcomed break. I am having a VERY hard time keeping up and enjoying life. I would consider myself to be a relatively upbeat person, but lately I feel so stuck. Stuck in pain, not even wanting to move, putting on a smile each day despite feeling like this; it is exhausting. I really need to get over this and on with life.

Here's hoping that my OPERATION HIP FLEXION starts to progress. My hip flexion is still stuck at 95* and no pain improvement.

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