I was fine, both yesterday and today, until about 2:00 pm, then things just went downhill; especially today. I was rounding with the GI fellow and had almost zoned out completely. I tried so hard to concentrate, but it was just not possible. I found my mind wandering. In fact, I sat there wondering why the heck I chose to study medicine! A thought that had never crossed my mind while out on a rotation. I wondered how the heck I was ever going to get through this, how will I ever have enough energy to give to the profession, to my patients? I hated being there today. To be completely honest though, what I hated more was that these thoughts had crossed my mind.
It was around 5:00pm, I had presented my patients to my attending, and the fellow asked me how I was doing. I almost burst into tears (clearly I was struggling). She told me that I could go home, she felt sorry for me sitting there trying to keep up with everything. I hate having to leave early all of the time! It makes me feel like a slacker and doesn't exactly give the attending a great impression of my work ethic. I have no choice these days, I must leave so that I can move the next day to come in and do it all again. Luckily (or unluckily) I have to leave at 3:30pm tomorrow since I have a dentist appointment to get a filling fixed (yes, my teeth are falling apart too!).
Frankly, I don't know how I am going to do this. This is definitely a low point during this recovery process. I know I'll get stronger and be able to last longer, but it doesn't make crutching around all day any easier.