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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Am I doing the right thing?

So today Dr. Philippon's office called and he wanted me to fill out a questionnaire about my hip history. It was quite extensive and very thorough. I understand that he screens patients and his secretary will be in contact with me later on this week after he goes through my chart and reviews my case to see if he is able to help me.

Being that this is finally coming to light, I hope that I am doing the right thing. I mean, yes my hip does still hurt but I am 9 weeks after surgery, but maybe I should still hurt this much (although my surgeon did not think so). Maybe I should be more confident that it will get better than I am now! Maybe my previous surgeon was just over-reacting and I may not need surgery. I just feel like I am seeking surgery after surgery. Yes I do hurt, but should I just be able to suck it up? How much pain does the average person have on a day to day basis? I realise that my labrum is partially gone and it won't come back but maybe I am over-reacting and should just suck it up and go on with life. Forget the darn hips. Stop them ruling my life. If I end up getting surgery done by Dr. Philippon it will be a great burden financially on myself (and my parents assuming that they will help pay for some of the bills) as well as emotionally for everybody involved. It literally makes my stomach churn to think of another surgery. I could cry.

Sorry this is so random, but after starting up the paperwork for the new OS, I really feel like I am opening a bag of worms. My greatest fear is that he'll say that the success of the surgery will be greater if I have it done sooner rather than later. Sigh, I don't want to borrow trouble but each time I fear something along my hip adventure so far, it has come true. I had a bad feeling after the second last surgery that it didn't work; I knew deep down I would be needing revision surgery; and it happened. Then, when I spoke with my current OS I knew he'd want to operate and try to fix it; and it happened. And now, I am afraid that I'll have to take a prolonged leave from school and have yet another surgery. Maybe, and I hope with all my heart, that I am wrong about my gut feeling and I'll be able to get through these next two years with my hip in the current state that it is.

I really, really just want this hip saga out of my life and be able to concentrate on my career, friends, etc. I hate this so freakin' much.

Basically it comes down I doing the right thing? Am I borrowing more pain and trouble by seeking this surgeon's help?

I feel like I've been sucked into a world of surgery and hips.

I am so confused.

I want to be normal.


1 comment:

  1. Don't worry, you're not the only one going through this. I've had hip troubles as well, and at a relatively young age -- 26 -- it saddens me. It's hard to lose hope, find it, then repeat the process ad infinitum. But at least we have expertise today that didn't exist a quarter-century ago; our chances of recovery are that much greater. You will reclaim your life and everything that was dear to you before your injuries struck.