Had a Bad Day

I am proud to say that I have not gone into self-pitty mode once since I have had my surgery. Yes, thre have been times that I feel like crying but a pitty-party does nobody good. I preface this post by mentioning this because I am afraid that this post might sound a bit more negative than I had originally anticipated.

Today is the first day back for my fellow medical student friends. I wish that I could be wearing my short white coat and following around doctors and learning medicine. Instead, I am lying on the couch with heating pad on my back to control my back spasms, frozen peas on my hip, all the while wearing a bulky hip brace. Pretty ideal...not! I don't know why this is so hard for me today. I've been dealing with hip issues for going on 6 years now, you would think that I'd be used to sitting out on things; it never gets easier.

Last night I slept horribly and flipped and flopped in the recliner chair so decided to flip and flop in my bed half way through the night. Neither place was conducive to sleeping. I really can't believe how much pain I am in still (being almost a month post op) plus my walking off of crutches doesn't seem to be improving. Hopefully it will get better very quickly. I haven't taken any oxycodone in two days but this evening before bed I will have to take some because it is a bit much.

To add on top of things, the support group Hip Chicks has gone to a pay-only access which means that I have to pay a fee to be a part of the group. I really loved the support I attained there, but I am not in a position to pay for 'extras' and the website group would be an 'extra' so, I have lost those connections. I suppose I could pay for it, but I am so in debt from school that I vowed to not spend any money on 'extra' things that I don't really need. I suppose if I find myself in a hip predicament in the future and need some support and some questions answered, I may rethink things, but for now, that is not the case. I did believe that I could still read the website and just not post but it seems like to even browse the website I have to pay. :(

I hope that I am on track to healing, it just seems so slow at the moment and I hurt right now. I totally wish that I didn't have to deal with all of this pain. I can't imagine others with more major surgeries. Phew. I know my hip was in kinda bad shape, but I only had a hip scope and I still feel crappy. I generally think that I have a high pain tolerance (being a former national athlete I know how to deal with pain) but man, this stinks. My heart goes out to those with major, major hip surgeries!

Hopefully I'll be less blue tomorrow, again, I apologize for the depressing nature of the post, but I needed to vent some. Thanks!