I don't know if I should be relieved or just flat out disappointed. I am leaning towards the latter. I finally got a hold of the PA regarding the timing of my next surgery. When I was last in Vail, everybody was in agreement that we should do it in 6 weeks. Well, during our conversation he said that I could come to Vail, get the left hip checked out, and if they thought it was strong enough, have surgery the next day on my right. But this would be unlikely due to my extensive hip history and that it would more than likely end up that I would be told to wait 6 more weeks to get the right hip done. And that "they" advise to wait 12 weeks post-op before I do the right side. Now I couldn't tell if he was simply expressing his opinion or if they actually discussed my case with the surgeon. Either way, we decided that would couldn't run the risk of irritating the joint as adhesions tend to form ridiculously dense and quickly in me.
My heart sank. I think that I could actually be ready for surgery in a couple of weeks, but, it wouldn't be fun. Although this 10-12 week deal was the original plan before surgery, I had my hopes up that this (hopefully) last surgery would be done and over with and so I could begin my recovery. When I was speaking with the PA I could feel myself get tense. Like I didn't want to hear what he had to say next. I don't understand why Dr. P would have been so adamant about getting it done so soon and now a complete turnaround. This makes it very confusing for me as a patient. I get told one thing and then, poof, in a matter of minutes, get told another. I am not going to lie, I am disappointed. My hip journey just got that much longer. I hope this is the right thing to do. I mean, the LAST thing I want to do is mess up this left hip. I've had four surgeries on the sucker, and good grief would I curl up in a hole and die if I messed it up simply because I had surgery too soon after. But, having your hopes up and then dashed is quite unnerving and not too easy to swallow.
I had a meltdown today. Literally. I cried and cried. I know it has to be the combination of everything: drugs, lack of sleep, pain, change in plans, lack of motivation to do anything....just everything. It certainly is hard to keep going. Keep recovering every few months for years on end. Absolutely exhausting. I try to put on a happy face, suck up the pain, and live life with a smile and not complain, but one can only do that for so long. How much do I long to get my life back? To be able to finish school, to be able to stand, walk, heck, maybe even jog! I feel like my standards have fallen from when I first began my hip journey. At first I had surgery on my left and right to allow me to return to full workouts, to remain active. And now, all I want to do is walk without pain. I will never, never, never take walking for granted. I can't wait to get out of bed in the morning and not be in pain. It will come. I have an amazing surgeon working with me to help get this straightened out. Just its a long hard journey that has put my life on pause for the better part of a year.
Financially this is a strain as well. I am not currently working, paying interest on my buttload of loans from school, and now this. Since my surgery will not be before August 1st, I will be on a different insurance plan, with a new deductible, copay, and higher out-of-pocket-maximum. It sucks as it will now cost me thousands more dollars. I may hold some sort of pasta dinner or some sort of fundraiser with the help of my skating friends. This may help offset the cost. I know one can't put a price on health and I have to get this done to function, but man alive, money is tight and I need another surgery.
So as it stands: pre-op/12 week post-op check up on September 24th, 2012 with right hip scope on September 25th.
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